Memories & Feelings

To all the people that made me feel ashamed of being fat, to all the people that belittle me , to all the people that broke me little by little. To the people that i thought cared about me yet they would always call me Free Willy , To all of you , FUCK YOU ALL !

To all of them that made my self-esteem get smaller and smaller until there was nothing left. To you that at one point made a comment about how fat he's new girlfriend was, therefore wasn't pretty or good enough for your friend, just so you can hide your mediocre life & the fear of being the last  one in finding someone that loves you not for how you look but for how you are inside .
To that one person  that told me i was fatter than when i was pregnant & also made many comments behind my back,  whispering as i'm walking by , judging me because of how fat and obese I've gotten. Just so you can distract people from focusing on the real you, but at the end of the day, you find out it's all a masquerade. Well  FUCK YOU ALL !!!!!!!!!!

To all the people that made me feel ugly & fat since the beginning of my childhood by comparing me to my cousins by making sure i knew that they were better than me for two reasons , they were light skinned and above all skinnier than me.
To all the people that told me in my face i was pretty but not pretty enough because i was fat on the verge of obese.
FUCK YOU ALL !!!!!!!

FUCK YOU ;  For not being able to love someone for who she was inside. She was pure , innocent and very gullible . At one point she actually believed that fairy tales always end with HAPPILY EVER AFTER. But people like you broke her little by little piece by piece until there was nothing left of her pure innocent gullible soul and all that was left was a dark shadow full of hatred and the desire for vengeance. Hoping  that someday soon you can feel what it is to be ignored, humiliated , judged, mocked at, just for being fat , obese , huge whatever you want to call it. I just want to make you feel how you once made me feel, i want you to cry every night like i did , i want you to hide from mirrors , cameras anything that might catch your real reflection and if your strong enough cry in front of the mirror hating yourself for letting it go that far, for not having the control over your own body. I want you to think of all the people you mocked for being obese. I want you to hurt even more when you realize is not easy being a HUGE BITCH.  Hoping , craving , starving for the acceptance and love of that one special person and not being able to find it , LONELINESS sets in and all i want to say is; Welcome to my world !!!!

And to all of those that behind those cruel , harsh words you spoke but never once realized that you were just tearing the last scraps of self-esteem i had in me by telling me there was no point in putting on make-up and plucking my eyebrows because not even that can make me look any better. But instead i should get on a diet and lose weight , and once that is accomplished i could go ahead , pluck my eyebrows and put on a mask . Only then i would actually earn to be told and be pretty.
To you the one that was supposed to believe in me because you carried me 7 months inside your womb , I told you I was going to lose weight , that i was going to change my whole life style so i can look better and you wouldn't be embarrassed of me and that this time i was being serious, I was going to be committed to my decision , But your first facial expression was doubtful your second was more painful you actually  laughed at me , told me that you had heard that story coming from me many times, that i was bound to be fat because my great grandmother was fat therefore i am meant to be fat & obese. And that if a man wants me they have to love me for the woman i am inside , not just the exterior. But then time after time the same people that would tell me those fairy tales made sure i knew i was young and obese. Telling me that what man will ever want to be with an obese young lady. That time was ticking and being 19 years old & 210 lbs was only going to make me a spinster for life.
To you instead of hate , I thank you for you made me open my eyes and realized we do not live in a wonderland , that happily ever afters don't exists. But once i was completely thorn and there was nothing but emptiness , some how a little tiny speck of inner strength started growing little by little. And to that i can finally prove all of you wrong !!!!!!!!!!!!!! You were all nothing but confused admirers !!! Jealous & amazed on how  Free Willy exists NO MORE.