Constant Struggle

My biggest fear is to go back to the way i was , every time i go out with friends , my bf , my family i always have that battle inside my mind , To eat or not to eat all that fat greasy food? I will not deny that i have been through many binge eating followed by purging for feeling guilty. I'm trying my best to change that and instead focusing on exercising more. Losing became an obsession , after my second child at 27 years old i noticed i had gotten bigger than i ever was in my entire life , let's see 27 years old , 5'3 height , and 220 lbs which is very excessive for a chick my height. So i decided that it was time to start my dieting again and wasn't going to stop until i got to my goal which at first it was only going from 220 lbs to 215 lbs. Hey i needed to start small. So started counting calories , doing cardio online, I was too embarrassed to go to any gym , Those first 5 lbs made me realize i still got had it in me and i can still lose more. So i started writing my goals little by little in about 5 months i had lost over 60lbs going from 220 to 160 lbs. Till this day i haven't gotten to my goal so i am still fighting battles everyday. I actually gained a few lbs since i gotten laid off and went up to 168 lbs which was scaring me because it was 2 lbs away from 170. Right then i decided to stop and pursue my goal of one day being at least 140 , that was a month ago when i was 168 and as of today i am 148.4 lbs which is not too bad to lose in a month. I will post some pics of my before and after like i said i still haven't gotten to my goal , but will pursue until i get there :)